The Hazards of Being Male: Surviving the Myth of Masculine Privilege

by Herb Goldberg and Herb Goldberg Ph. D

Book Overview

Before John Gray and Robert Bly, there was Dr. Herb Goldberg whose book has done for men what feminism did for women-helping men break free of the "male harness." Goldberg wrote: "My aim was to help... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1587410133
• ISBN13: 9781587410130
• Release Date: January 2000
• Publisher: Wellness Institute
• Length: 316 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.4" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Why is this book not required reading in schools?

A must-read for men! So many of my male friends dislike feminism. Why? Because of the way feminism is taught. When I went to college 4 years ago, men were consistently shown how unfairly privileged they were; that they had a multitude of extra privileges as males. Then they were told to "acknowlege" these priveleges - aka - feel consistently guilty about them. All I wanted was for them to acknowlege that women were to be seen as equal. These friends who are seemingly put off by feminism, do in fact make that acknowlegement. But I knew we had an acknowlegement to make, as well. They might have had an even tougher time growing up in our society. And this rigid upbringing might actually prevent them from truly seeing women as equals. For instance: men are rigidly trained never to hit a woman. Why? Because she is a delicate flower that he could easily crush. In truth, people should not hit anyone, and if they must, only in self-defense (not just ego defense). The perpetuating of the "delicate flower" myth (yes, myth, because some women are boxing champions) hurts women as well as men. Just as women are typecast as sex-symbols, this book deals with the typecasts of men; as money-maker, or protector/defender (which encourages his violence, rather than more peaceful strategies or show of emotion). It also talks about homophobia and inability to cry or act feminine; destroying the wholeness of a man's person. Unfortunately, until now, I could never adequately express this perspective: that both genders were struggling against suffocating traditions. I am a 25 year old woman, and yet this book, written eight years before I was born, is still every bit as accurate as it was in its heyday. I'm so glad I found it in a library book sale. I almost wish they still had it on the shelf for future generations of men and women to read.

amazing

I can only agree with the other reviewers. I don't know how much more I can add except to say that this book profoundly changed the way I view myself and the other men in my life. Reading this book helped me to understand my father in a way I never did before and resolved a great deal of the tension between us. I cannot praise this book highly enough. There are a few places in the book where it is clear that it was written 30 years ago but they are few and far between. It is highly relevant to males AND females who are trying to understand them.

This book knocked me right over!

First of all, I must say that the copy of this book that I have is the original 1976 edition, and there may have been significant changes in later editions. This book was originally written in 1976, and is considered one of the classics of the men's rights movement. In it, psychologist Dr. Herb Goldberg takes years of clinical experience, and concludes that men, far from being the privileged sex, are actually out of touch with their bodies and emotions, and unhealthily dependent on women. Further, too many men are on a destructive course that leads to mental illness, alcoholism and death. Each chapter in this fascinating book ends with a list of guidelines that the man should study to examine himself.Overall, this book knocked me right over. As the author explains his views on men, their thoughts and their situation, I found myself shocked at his ability to see through to the heart of matter. So much of what the author says is true to this very day, more than a quarter of a century later!My only complaint against this book is that the author attributes so much of men's attributes to social conditioning, whereas more recent studies have shown that many male-female differences are actually biological (see The War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers). But, that said, this is a fascinating book with penetrating insight into the lives of modern men. I highly recommend this book to all men.

Guilt is Not Power!

This is a wonderful book for both men and women to read, to get more out of our lives. And read it more than once, because by the time you finish you will want to step back into the world of the scenarios described in this book, to travel further along your ability to appreciate humanity.When we keep in mind the message from William James, "Sow a thought; reap an action. Sow an action; reap a habit. Sow a set of habits; reap a character. Sow a character; reap your destiny," as we read a book like "The Hazards of Being Male," we will have many "Oh yeah's. That explains it."This book also helps men to be men, while they face their authentic selves.Without the right to feel; have a male friend; share financial responsibility with women; participate as involved, playful fathers; no longer be self-destructive; and no longer harbor extreme guilt, traditionally thinking men, that is most men, are not living the life that they deserve to live."The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine, 'privilege' and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body." - Herb Goldberg, Ph.D.Their reality is always approached through veils of gender expectations.Men's problems are not changed by legislation, because they have no clearly defined targets against which they can vent their rage. Men will not strongly improve their lives until they experience their underlying rage toward the endless, impossible binds under which they live, which is defined by their role to be all things to all people. This includes guilt and self-denial.So many men are tired, and are forever close to just throwing in the towel, but they haven't thrown in the towel, because they simultaneously harbor guilt, love, and fear of being lonely.Traditionally, men maintain a self-protective stance, to protect themselves from being vulnerable. And despite the appearance of not allowing a woman to control them, men unconsciously see the female in his life as his lifeline. Whether it is amongst friends, their spouse or at the office, men express their trouble to freely express themselves by statements such as "I think I'm entitled to get angry," followed by an apology. They don't know how to simply say, "When someone does ... I feel angry, because I need ... So, would you mind (action)?" But they can be taught this, when women expect this from them.Another male attitude is, "God helps those who help themselves." This is to cover up the chance of appearing to be uncomfortable, anxious, or vulnerable.The highest compliment is to call him "fearless." Of course this has held men back from processing their emotions, and taking the stance to live their lives according to what their higher power sent them here to do.When asked why they married and remained married, many say, "she has a good effect on me. She stabilizes me." Which means that he counts upon women to regulate his life.The male in our culture finds himself in countless, "damned if you do, and damned if you don't no-win binds. He is p

A book that needed to be written

I came across a copy of this book waiting to be picked up by the trashmen. I read it and passed it around to all of my male friends. It is amazing both that despite the age of the book it still rings so true, and that every girl girl who so much as saw the cover, instantly denounced it as sexist filth, thereby proving the need for this work as a part of the lives of American men.