Have You Found Her

by Janice Erlbaum

Book Overview

And every week, there was the unspoken question, the one I didn't know enough to ask myself : Have you found her yet? The one who reminds you of you? Twenty years after she lived at a homeless shelter... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0812974573
• ISBN13: 9780812974577
• Release Date: February 2008
• Publisher: Villard Books
• Length: 348 Pages
• Weight: 0.68 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.2" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Not a fake wedding and the author isn't sick

Have You Found Her is a fantastic book with a fantastic title. After all, who among us doesn't look for a little bit of ourselves in those we love? Janice Erlbaum wants to help others who have been where she was and part of that comes from her desire to help herself. The ambiguity in the pronoun "her" is brilliant, insightful, and delicious. Who IS Janice looking for, really? Amazing -- but definitely NOT sick. I have to mention that, because I was just stunned and insulted by reviewer Cheryl Ferry's comment, "Someone in this story is clearly sick, and that's the author." No, the author isn't sick. If Ms. Ferry thinks the author is the sick person in the book, she had better re-read it. Furthermore, despite Ms. Ferry's claims, Janice Erlbaum's wedding was not fake. She and her husband are domestic partners -- they have a civil union -- the only type of marriage available to gay people in most places today. But for all legal intents and purposes, they are husband and wife. It's not fake. Not at all. It just can't be called "marriage" and I applaud Janice and Bill's decision not to marry until that right is extended to gay as well as straight couples. The only thing Ms. Ferry and I agree on is that Have You Found Her is a good read. It's a great read. It's an unflinchingly honest book, an account of personal growth as extraordinarily painful and revealing as the one detailed in her first book, Girlbomb. Good job, Ms. Erlbaum. Keep 'em coming and don't let the people who don't get you get you down.

Amazing Story!

In "Have You Found Her," Janice Erlbaum returns as a volunteer to the shelter that housed her as a teenager (written about in "Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir"), where she meets intelligent, drug-addicted Samantha. The two begin a mentoring relationship that takes a dramatic turn when Sam reveals that she's HIV-positive. Erlbaum brings all the anger, confusion, and heartbreak of this relationship to the page, making this a compelling, fast-paced, and gut-wrenching memoir. Not only did I not want to put it down, but I want all my friends to read it so we can talk about it.

Most interesting memoir

This is Janice Erlbaum's second memoir. Her first book told the story of her own teen years - years in which she was a runaway and a shelter resident who successfully transitioned out of that life. In Have You Found Her, Erlbaum writes about her experiences twenty years later as a volunteer at that same shelter. Because she was a writer at the time, she carefully documented in a journal what she did, what people said, and her feelings as she kept a weekly commitment as the "Bead Lady" who helped the girls make jewelry on Wednesday evenings. As a volunteer, Erlbaum went through training which emphasized not having favorites among the residents, not giving gifts and certainly not giving out telephone numbers or personal information. She became obsessed with being at the shelter, looking for "the one that reminds you of you." While there she meets a homeless junkie, Samantha (Sam). Sam becomes Erlbaum's special friend at the shelter and Erlbaum is moved to try to help this girl get on her feet. Sam develops several illnesses and is hospitalized, sent to drug rehab, re-hospitalized and becomes more of a burden than Erlbaum had bargained for. Yet she cares very much for Sam until a peculiarity in Sam's diagnosis begins to affect her feelings. Janice Erlbaum relates this piece of her life with the flair of an excellent novelist. I found myself forgetting that this wasn't a story that would have a reasonable resolution. When Erlbaum begins to investigate Sam's illnesses and then search for her birth family, the book read like a mystery thriller- and I could hardly put it down. I enjoyed the book very much and am quite impressed with Erlbaum's ability to tell her own tale with such aplomb. Armchair Interviews says: Good book group discussion questions are at the back of the book.

Rescue Fantasies Become Reality

For anyone who has experienced rescue fantasies, Have You Found Her by Janice Erlbaum, a daily journal writer, offers a true story of a rescuer who learns and grows from her experiences. Erlbaum's engaging second memoir invites readers to investigate her first book, Girlbomb, a story of her own struggles as a teenage runaway. In Have You Found Her, a non-fiction thriller, Erlbaum relates her efforts to repay a debt of gratitude by volunteering at the same youth shelter that helped her when she was a homeless teen. In the course of her work as the "bead lady" who shows up every Wednesday to teach the girls how to make their own jewelry, she quickly learns to how reach the girls at the shelter. Giving them something to do allows the girls to open up to her at their own pace without Erlbaum becoming intrusive in their lives. An honest storyteller, Erlbaum shows how she struggles with the shelter's rules to maintain the distance designed to protect the girls and herself from getting too involved in each others' lives. From the start, she routinely breaks each rule as she becomes more engaged, develops favorites, and soon becomes attached to Samantha (Sam), a girl whose life parallels her own. A writer who understands that dialogue moves the action along, Erlbaum shows the ups and downs of supporting Sam, being overwhelmed by Sam, being manipulated by Sam, feeling threatened by Sam, having compassion for Sam, and embracing Sam as she struggles with a variety of illnesses including a possible AIDS diagnosis. At the same time, Erlbaum weaves into the story her love for Bill, the first man to love her in a humanly healthy way, her own addiction to pot, and her struggles with relationships within her family. Managing all these elements without being sappy or preachy, Erlbaum shows how relationships can grow and thrive. Using her own ambivalence toward the significant people in her life, Erlbaum chronicles her fear of having honest dialogue with others while demonstrating how her attempts at dialogue keep the relationships healthy and intact. As Erlbaum builds suspense page by page, the reader must stay engaged to the end to find out who will ultimately survive as Erlbaum depicts her characters' metamorphoses from neediness to autonomy. Although the book gives readers an inside look at the life of a rescuer, it also is a "how-to" for showing how helping others results in personal growth and how relationships grow through compassion, support, mutual understanding, and respect. by Susan M. Andrus for Story Circle Book Reviews reviewing books by, for, and about women

Amazing story

What an amazing, amazing book. I had to keep reminding myself that it was about real people! In this, her second memoir, Janice tells the story of volunteering at the shelter she lived in briefly as a teenage and of meeting Sam. Although the relationship she forms with Sam may ultimately have been good for her, showing her that she had internal strength she would never have guessed out. It makes for a very powerful story. I think the most interesting part of this book was Janice's honesty about her negative feelings toward Sam. To be able to say that you're angry at a person in Sam's position takes a lot of strength. The same to admit that you have doubts about the truth of what someone you care about says to you. And this is a memoir that is easy to read. One might always be skeptical of the claim that a memoir reads like a novel, but in this case, I found that it did. I was drawn in from the very beginning, and ended the book hoping that Ms. Erlbaum will write another memoir in the future.