Welcome (back) to Christmas Valley. Where it's Christmas every. F@$#ing. Day.
It's your typical Hallmark movie plot: my big-city boyfriend dumped me, so my adorable five-year-old daughters and I moved back to my hometown just in time for Christmas. I guess the magic of the holiday is going to show me what I really wanted all along, or something. But on Hallmark, people aren't usually mainlining their mother's Xanax. Or stealing...
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