My name's Bacon Sobelowski, and I'm trying to find my someone. Kenny Rogers sings a song that says there's someone for everyone, and in Bellevue where I live, Kenny Rogers' word is gold. It's just too bad my mother thinks girls turn boys into pigs, but that's probably just because my father had enough of her Eggos and walked out. But maybe she's right. I'm not sure if Sarah is my someone because she got mad and smashed chili peppers into a cut...