Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate

by Neil Clark Warren

Book Overview

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, offers essential information allowing singles to immediately gauge whether a prospective mate is truly compatible, avoid the emotional pain of spending years with the wrong person, and be confident that the love they've found will last.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 044669388X
• ISBN13: 9780446693882
• Release Date: December 2005
• Publisher: Center Street
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.52 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.2" x 7.9"

Customer Reviews

Excellent advice for people who want to get serious

I do life coaching and public speaking for a living, including in the areas of relationship and sexuality. I have read a lot of books on both of these topics and was very pleasantly surprised that this was a solidly written book and not just a lot of hype. One of the things I most liked about this book was the emphasis on character. Dr. Warren was very direct about what constitutes good character, the likely outcome of dating people with characters disorders and the pivotal importance of being authentic and not dating people who lie. The author also stressed the importance of compatibility. A lot of people work too hard at relationship because fundamentally, they are not compatible. If they were, things would go a lot easier. There is a section in the book that breaks down compatibility into a number of different dimensions that I thought were an extremely useful lens for people to use when looking for a serious partner. I also liked the sections on sex and the healthy expression of sexuality. Dr. Warren points out that premature sexuality can often blind you to character faults and compatibility issues. While this is difficult to swallow for a lot of people, it sure seems to be true. He also talks about the importance of sex and sexual compatibility from a space of someone with a lot of experience counseling couples. The appendices in the book are just as valuable as the text. I particularly liked his sections on the "must haves" and "can't haves." When many people are dating, they are not conscious of what their non-negotiables are and enter into relationship where there are a lot of good things, but one essential ingredient is missing. This is a very seductive dynamic, especially when the beginning of the relationship feels soooo good. However, it's like missing one essential vitamin; it will eventually catch up with you. Also, there is a great no nonsense section on sexual chemistry. Dr. Warren doesn't side step this important area and he makes it very clear that this is what separates potential friends from potential partners. According to him, there must be sexual chemistry and you either have it or you don't. Without sexual chemistry, people often end up having affairs or feeling guilty that they are not attracted to their partners. Overall, this book posits a conservative approach to dating. Many people won't be able to live up to all the advice, but the advice is sound and it makes good psychological sense. Some people will find the advice on sex overly conservative, but as adults we need to draw our own lines between the ideal and what is reasonable for ourselves. We don't necessarily have to embody the gold standard, but we can certainly aspire to it. Another interesting part of this book was the section that stepped through each part of the traditional marriage vows and talked about what each means. The take away point, was not that you just promise to stay together, it's that you promise to do the work to love, honor and res

CAUTION: this book could change your love life FOREVER

I ordered this book at the same time I signed up on e-harmony, and now my fiance and I sound like those goofy commercials! The 29 dimensions covered in this book can help you more accurately evaluate potential partners, and provide wonderful insight into knowing yourself. Highly recommend, but beware-- if you DON'T want a real relationship with all the work, risk, and reward it can bring, then just keep reading The Rules or some other dating disaster textbook. However, when you're ready for something more, something real- this is YOUR book.

Great thoughts on finding your soul mate

Online dating probably isn't for everybody, but it certainly worked for me . . . after all, that is how I met Cynthia--my beautiful bride-to-be. That is why I also found myself drawn to the book, FALLING IN LOVE FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS by Dr. Neil Clark Warren . . . its subtitle, in particular, caught my attention: HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE. I wanted to see if Warren, founder of [...], could help me understand why Cynthia and I have clicked the way we have . . . furthermore, I wanted to see if Warren's concept of a soul mate matched mine . . . methinks it does. As he notes: A soul mate is to his or her soul mate as a Mercedes Benz automobile door is to the Mercedes auto frame. They fit together perfectly; they match. You wouldn't want to put a Chrysler door on a Mercedes car; you wouldn't even want to put a Cadillac, Lexus or a BMW door on the Mercedes body. Although each one may be a marvelous door in its own right, it would not be the perfect match for the Mercedes automobile. Warren presents a very practical guide for finding true love, including: * The 29 dimensions of compatibility--the foolproof test to determine if two people will be happy together; * Your core personal dimensions--the 16 factors that can make or break your relationship; and * The "marriage killers"--the red flags you can spot during your fist two dates. There were many memorable passages; among them: How does the person you are considering as a potential marriage partner deal with anger? Does he have his temper under control? Anger mismanagement causes more divorces, I believe, than any other single factor. Many people simply cannot handle their anger, and they take it out on their spouses. Sadly, husbands often take out their anger on their wives, and wives often take out their anger on the children, thus perpetuating a downward spiral into the next generation. Anger, of course, is often the means a person uses to attempt to handle his or her pain. But it can destroy an otherwise good relationship if it is not expressed correctly. As I mentioned previously, I'm convinced that the selection of a marriage partner is the most important, far-reaching decision you will ever make. Let me tell you why. For the rest of your life, every day, you will wake up with this person; much of your day will revolve around this person in one way or another, whether you are at work or at home. You will come home to this person, eat dinner with this person, sit and talk with this person and, hopefully, you will go to bed with this person. When you wake up in the morning, this person will still be there! You will have a lot of thoughts about this person all day long, because this person and you will have numerous things in common, including your children, your money, your plans about your careers, and plans about your retirement. Think about that. One person...for the rest of your life! That's a lot of togetherness! Yet that's what marriage is supposed to be, and that's what marriage

Do You Want To Find Love???

To me, I think this is a really good book that identifies the broad-based compatibility of powerful attraction between people and leads to have long-term love. It explain the rules in how we all should find true love, and describe ways people can change after marriage...and ways they can't and never will. It also explains the sixteen factors that can make or break your relationships and also mentions many secrets men need to know before starting a relationship. This book really helps you to avoid wasting years on the wrong person and the pain of a broken heart. This is an excellent book for those who want to find true love that you can relish for a lifetime. I recommend it!!!! Because you're learn something out of it!!! This is a great book for any gentlemen!!!

Like The Song Says, All You Need Is Love

I'm a working psychotherapist and read this book in galleys. I think it makes a wonderful addition to the rather cluttered and confusing mix of books targeting single/divorced women with romantic advice, self-help and life-affirming programs. The core idea--one that professional therapists spend expensive hours trying to express to their patients--is that there is no "perfect person" to marry. Life is the movies; getting "swept off your feet" is best left to when you are swimming in the ocean. The rest of the book further explores the idea of "compatability," which is also helpful, although it does neglect the entire construct of your ego development and independence, because a happy union generally rests on your ability to be happy by--and with--yourself. My major problem is that the book is an extended product placement for eHarmony.com, the author's company. But at least he's upfront about it--buyer beware. I also strongly recommend another book about marriage, for those women who want a family: "I Sleep At Red Lights: A True Story of Life Aftr Triplets," by Bruce Stockler, easily the most funny, honest and detailed account of juggling marriage, kids, career and life I've ever read--and from the male point of view. Not a therapy book, per se--but laughter and honesty are certainly wonderful medicine.