Everything You Know about Love and Sex is Wrong: Twenty-Five Relationship Myths Redefined to Achieve Happiness and Fulfillment in Your Intimate Life

by Pepper Schwartz

Book Overview

From the media to our mothers, others have taught us certain rules about intimacy and love. But what if these rules are wrong? Or even harmful? Sociologist and relationship expert Pepper Schwartz... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0399146555
• ISBN13: 9780399146558
• Release Date: October 2000
• Publisher: Putnam Publishing Group
• Length: 277 Pages
• Weight: 1.25 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 6.3" x 9.3"
• Age Range: 18 years and up
• Grade Range: Grade 12 and higher

Customer Reviews

Insightful and informative antidote to old puritanical ideas

Dr. Schwartz does a great job of picking out 25 ideas about relationships and presenting informed views of why they may not necessarily be right for everyone. For example, we are taught in movies, our friends, and possibly even our parents that we will always know who "the one" is when we see them, or to date only people who you think are marriage potential when you want to get serious. She describes the "instant love" feeling as mostly a hormonal reaction to a quality you might see in the "one" that you desire and appreciate...and also cites that if you date people you know you won't marry, you would loosen up, be more relaxed, and learn something about yourself you never would have otherwise with a person who only fits your "type".I was quite surprised when I read the view by Dr. Wilcox on how men will beat up on women who don't show pleasure during sex. I know a number of counselors (because my mother works with people in the field), and every one of them has said that abuse is rarely if ever about sex, it is more about power and control. It was not Dr. Schwarz's entire point in this book to say that women must like porn because they get aroused, she merely offers womens responses to XXX videos as a different viewpoint and relationship possibility, the same as she does with the other points she cites. I can personally vouch that I and my girlfriend love erotica, both in book and film form, and often use it as a way to enhance our healthy sex life. And I don't expect my partner to act as porn actresses do and feel pleasure every time, and if she doesn't I don't become violent...instead it gives us more an opportunity to talk and touch and cuddle. We're both intelligent enough to know that XXX movies are fantasy based and used for imagery and not as guidelines or instruction aids.I recommend this book to anyone who feels like something is "missing" from their relationship...it gives a good reassurance that they are not alone in their feelings and that human emotions are as varied as individuals...and it is not wrong to feel in the way she describes, and possibly not even wrong to act on the feelings if you choose to...but again, this is only a viewpoint book, not advice-giving or instruction (much like XXX films are viewpoints on fantasy sex).

A fun, thought-provoking read.

I loved this book. Pepper Schwartz pulls no punches and isn't afraid of any topic. Once you pick this book up, it's almost impossible to set it down. Schwartz challenges some of our basic assumptions of what makes a relationship work--and she wipes off all the romantic gloss so we can function more easily. What makes this book so much fun is, you don't have to agree with everything she writes. But by going for the jugular, Schwartz asks us to challenge everything we think. This is a great gift for the reader.Schwartz has a zippy, fun, unpretentious style. It's an invigorating read. Never once to you feel the pace lessen or that Schwartz takes her foot off the accelerator. She illustrates her points with an invigorating mix of her own anectdotes and stories of others.Obviously, Schwartz had a ton of fun exploring these myths--and so do we as we follow her mind at work. Enjoy!

a great relationship book

I thought this book was insightful and funny. A great reminder not to take things too seriously and to enjoy relationships! A great book to read with your girlfriends! I've already bought copies for Christmas gifts for my best friends who definately need to see that certain myths are MYTHS!!! Enjoy!

Read this book. It's real, researched, and honest.

At the age of 60, and in the 13th year of my 3rd marriage, (the first for 10 years and the second for 5 years), "Dr. Pepper's" carefully considered and well researched revelations about "love and sex" will resonate its truths for anyone who reads this book. Or if the truth of her assertions doesn't ring right for you, if they sound "off base" this book opens up the possibility of a really different and authoritative way of looking at relationship myths. It is surprising how often our assumptions about what works and doesn't work are derived from unconscious acceptance of the way people are supposed to behave as opposed to the way they actually behave. This book is not about Pepper's opinions so much as it is about her opinions based on actual research, intimate inquiries she has made to people who trusted her with honest answers. Trust, honesty, and forthrightness...the key values that create a strong and vibrant intimacy in couples as well as the values that bind our country together as one of the strongest nations in the world. Books like this are rare and exciting. Read it.

The Rights about the Wrongs

Having read this book and the review by John Guttman, I cannot agree with the points made in opposition to the conclusion of Dr, Schwartz. First, the education of sexual issues is, indeed, erroroneous for most adults and relates to the sexual values of our parents, not ourselves. For the most part, I found the book to be honest and daring in trying to illustrate the difficulties of engaging in sexual relationships.I believe the style of Dr.Schwartz is agressive, thought provoking and new age in terms of our sexual evolution. She takes us to places wehre we cannot go alone.....and makes us feel at ease about this exploration.Unlike Dr. Guttman, sexual experiences lead us to an educational process that helps the developement of character and soul and causes us to feel comefort with issues regarding sex, sex play, sexual preference and sexual dysfunction. It is all a part of the Sexual scheme of life.I believe this is an excellent book for understanding the sexuality of human character.