Don't Bite Your Tongue

by Ruth Nemzoff

Book Overview

Parents make enormous sacrifices helping children become healthy and autonomous adults. And when children are older, popular wisdom advises parents to let go, disconnect, and bite their tongues. But increasing life spans mean that parents and children can spend as many as five or six decades as adults together: actively parenting adult children is a reality for many families. Dr. Ruth Nemzoff--a leading expert in family dynamics--empowers parents...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0230605184
• ISBN13: 9780230605183
• Release Date: August 2008
• Publisher: St. Martins Press-3PL
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.57 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 6.3" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Don't Bite Your Tongue

"Don't Bite Your Tongue" is a wonderful primer for Advanced Motherhood. The "other Dr. Ruth" gently guides us through the intricacies of parenting our adult children. Written with the wisdom of a scholar and the humility that only the mother of four grownups can bring to this subject, she deftly addresses issues of communication, in-laws, stylistic and cultural differences, grandparenting, disappointment, adult sibling relationships, money, and more, while encouraging us to acknowledge and utilize our childrens' expertise. The book is filled with vivid vignettes and sound suggestions to help us create satisfying mutual relationships. As a family therapist, I recommend "Don't Bite Your Tongue" to all parents of launching children, since it so clearly delineates developmental issues that are bound to arise as the parent-child relationship moves into it's final metamorphosis. Book clubs, and parent's groups will find rich material for unending discussion in this book.

Just what I needed!

What a find! With five adult children, all in different stages of life it's not always easy to know what to say or do. Dr. Nemzoff covers everything from the adult child who moves back home to grandparenting and more. Her very practical advice is presented in a very clear and understandable manner and her questions at the end of each chapter will make you think. She also does this all with wit and humor I have passed it on to a friend who's 22 year old son has move back home. Mary Dewar

Parenting for Today's Issues

As a relatively new mother-in-law and brand new grandmother, I thought this book might be an intersting read, and I was right. Dr. Nemzoff is insightful and offers great advice. The book is a real treasure - filled with facts, anecdotes, and wisdom for many of the current issues parents face with their adult children. Each chapter concludes with a series of questions that makes you consider the topic from your own perspective. Dr. Nemzoff provides a guide that works for today, discussing topics that include finances, weddings, interfaith marriages, and divorce. More importantly, she encourages parents to tackle these issues openly and honestly. This book is one to be read and re-read BEFORE the crisis unfurls!

Exactly what I needed - unfortunately

I hate needing this book. My daughter and I were very close as she was growing up, and now we hardly talk. It feels like I'm always saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Ruth reminds me that I don't have to stay with these feelings, and that the adult pair, mother - daughter, in this instance relies on two adults who used to have different roles with each other and now must find new ones with their complicated emotions and perhaps outdated ideas of each other. And, Rth reminds me that love is strong, and gives me a path to somehow finding a way. Even if my daughter never talks to me again, I will know I have tried to communicate honestly. Maybe I can lay the groundwork using Ruth's exercises at the end of each chapter. Wish me luck, my daughter luck and to yourself, of course. Thank goodness this book exists.

Not your regular self-help book

I loved the way the author organized the content, the questions she raises for consideration and her beautiful writing style. Nemzoff doesn't talk down to her reader but rather engages her in considering these very sensitive relationships. I am always suspect of self-help books because they imply that one size fits all, but Nemzoff avoids this assumption yet finds the commonality in the experiences of the adult child and the parent.