Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond

by Anne Sheffield

Book Overview

Using the vivid, poignant and personal stories of the members of a website support group she founded (www.depressionfallout.com), Anne Sheffield, the author of two highly acclaimed books on... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060009349
• Release Date: April 2003
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks
• Length: 304 Pages
• Weight: 0.54 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.0" x 0.7" x 5.3"

Customer Reviews

Psychologist recommends

An important book I will be immediately recommending. I have always included the topic of the effects of depression on relationships, marriages, and families when I give talks on depression, but you seldom find the topic addressed at length. Finally, someone has given it the attention it needs. Author Anne Sheffield, who grew up with a depressed mother and has suffered from depression herself (and who acknowledges she has inflicted that suffering onto her relationships), knows her subject and it shows. Her knowledge has grown via the thousands of visitors to her website message board (www.depressionfallout.com) who write of their struggles and lessons from being the partner of someone depressed. A post on this message board prompted and grew into this book. Depression Fallout helps you understand what depression looks and feels like from the sufferer's viewpoint as well as from their partner's (and their children's) perspective. People who are depressed have similarities. They tend to devalue themselves and their relationships. They erode bonds by their self centered, pessimistic, and irritable tendencies. Their depression confuses them - one day they don't know what they feel, the next day they need you, and the following day they've decided they never loved you to begin with. Depression fallout is what happens to you if you're on the receiving end of this illness. You probably move through stages of confusion, self-blame, demoralization, resentment, and a longing to be free of your partner and their depression. If this is you, please read the book. You'll find stories to bolster your sagging self esteem and you'll learn ways to handle your communication with your partner. There's an excellent section on psychotherapy and medication (her section on meds includes some very specific and up-to-date info). Once you've read the book, get into counseling if you're not already. Finally, go check out the posts on her message board (www.depressionfallout.com) for some friendly support and understanding. You'll even find a few laughs - click on the postings of jokes, there are some good ones!

helped me seperate the depression from my husband

My husband got depression completely out of the blue a couple of years ago. He is 28 and we have been together for 7 years. Although I knew he 'had depression' it wasnt until reading this book that I really understood just how much of my husband's life and personality was affected by the disease. Reading this book helped me realise when it was the depression talking and how my husband was thinking. At the time, my husband had got into the routine of telling me I should leave him becasue he was worthless etc. It was breaking my heart. I was relieved and shocked to read about this exact scenario in Depression Fallout. Anne Sheffield has wriiten a remarkable book that will help the non-depressed spouse to understand what depression is doing, how not to take things so personally and how to communicate with the depressed partner in order to bring about change. It doesnt give false hope and isnt all doom and gloom either. This book really changed my life and has helped me to help my husband as well as myself. He is now well on the way to recovery and I really feel that this is in part due to my renewed understanding of his condition.

A book devoted to the other half

Anne's books have been so helpful to me. I wish I had found them years ago. This book in particular is so important because it addresses the dynamics of the relationship between couples. It gives wonderful advice about how to help your loved one cope with the illness, as well as how to help yourself. It is honest, heartfelt, supportive and very realistic. If you are married or in a committed relationship with someone who is depressed (or even if you THINK they are), GET THIS BOOK!

Wise, practical, and real!

This is a wonderful book. I've recommended it to many people who are trying to love and live with someone with depression--a truly difficult task. Sheffield is a terrific writer, her style is easy and engaging, and she has a wealth of practical advice to offer. Her stories of people who've talked to her about this problem are sure to strike a chord in the reader. She is addressing a very serious problem, because people with depression will often do everything they can to alienate those who love them, thus adding more guilt and more trouble to their already out-of-control lives.

An honest book

It is an amazing concept, to realize there is a messageboard somewhere in cyberspace populated with people like me, not just people who love a depressed partner, but people who suffer the confusion, the hope, the anger, the torment, and the surreality of it all. Even more amazing is this book: Anne has packed a huge body of folk knowledge and professional knowledge into these pages, both from the messageboard the book was based on and from psychiatrists and the mental health community. And that's what really made this book ring true for me; in reading what other wives and husbands were going through, in their own words, I was suddenly able to believe that I was not alone. I've spent so much time telling my partner that he is not alone, that millions of people suffer from depression. It never occurred to me that I must, therefore, also not be alone; there must also be other people who are struggling to lead good lives in spite of trying to love a depressive.Anne's book offers a lot of practical suggestions about how you can do both: be fair and loving to your partner and also genuinely enjoy your own life. She doesn't sugarcoat it, and by being honest, she shows you how there is a way through, that by using your basic sense of fair play and a respect for your own well-being, you can once again create a world that makes sense.Without even telling my partner I've read this book, I have changed some of my interaction with him for the better, and I can see it having a positive effect not only on me, but on him. I am looking forward to future improvements, as I implement and practice more of Anne's advice.