Dating the Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide if He's Right for You

by Christie Hartman

Book Overview

His ex-wife, kids, and alimony... can you deal with his past?In today's world, separated and divorced men comprise nearly 40% of available men. However, these men differ from the typical single bachelors you're used to dating-they can come with many unexpected challenges, such as children, difficult ex-wives, substantial financial obligations, and unresolved grief, guilt, or anger. After 10 years of conducting research and coaching women dating separated...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0984826270
• ISBN13: 9780984826278
• Release Date: March 2014
• Publisher: 5280 Press
• Length: 222 Pages
• Weight: 1.23 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Single in LA

I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!) Before I read the book, I was mostly confused, insecure, and frustrated about always coming second to his kids and his divorce; always waiting for the phone to ring and not sure whether I could have a weekend getaway or a holiday with my man. I wanted more - but felt I couldn't demand more because I didn't want to add more pressure in his life. And when I just didn't care and went on with my life (work, friends, hobbies and travels) I felt guilty! I felt I was abandoning him, during the time when he needed me the most. Wrong! Rather than feeling bad all the time, the book taught me how to be true to myself and put "me" first. To put enough distance to see where his divorce ends up (not get involved with all the messy details...) and to not push things too soon. Compared to other self help books on the subject, the author never wants you to become second best; to be disrespected at any time or to be taken for granted...you should be treated an equal, especially once the relationship takes a serious turn. Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable. But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them. In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve. I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it. And if you will go through all the challenges and struggles of dating a divorced/divorcing man...he should be "fabulous" and totally worth it. This was great and helped me muddle through all the confusion.

Spot-on!

I am surprised this book does not have many reviews. I have found it to be SPOT ON and exceptionally useful. I recently began dating a man who represented himself as being near the end of his divorce. His behavior was frustrating and baffling to me. This book very clearly identified the problems I was experiencing and what my options were for handling them. I am much more level-headed now and have a much better grip on the situation. Ironically, I also identified a co-worker who has leaned on me heavily over the past two years while he has struggled to keep his marriage together, while considering getting out. The book identifies him as a "Mr. Wait-and-See" and says don't waste your time with these users and cowards. Although I didn't waste my romantic energies on this man, I did let him waste a lot of time in general listening to him whine about the issues he doesn't have the guts to address. This book is a MUST READ for anyone considering dating a man who is either separated, divorcing, divorced or still married but shopping for a girlfriend.

Great for single dads and moms!

This is an excellent book for divorced men and women. It shows that we all are experiencing similar issues and dating a single man with kids is challenging. I think this is a book that all divorced men and women should read!

Dr. Hartman tells us exactly what we need to know about this key demographic!

Dr. Christie Hartman's "Dating the Divorced Man" gives single women a no-nonsense manual for getting to know this key demographic in the dating world. With specific examples, she clearly defines the different states of separated/divorcing/divorced men and the challenges that they can present. That said, she also leaves room for mature women to make their own choices based on what each individual is comfortable with, which is much more helpful than a black-and-white instruction book in this murky area. I recommend her book to any single woman -- if you wait until you're already dating a divorced man to read it, you may have made key mistakes already!

Incredibly informative and helpful!

As a single, 30-something woman, I have entered the complicated dating realm of divorced men. And it can be very complicated. Reading Dr. Hartman's book, however, I feel much better equipped to date men who are in the process of getting divorced or who are divorced. Her book is highly understandable and very readable. With my dating experiences thus far, I could relate to many of the scenarios that she poses throughout the book. She mixes research with anecdotes and advice on how to maneuver through the potential difficulties of dating men who may be continuing to cope with their past marriages. As a clinical psychologist, I also feel that this book could be very helpful for clients who may need a more structured understanding about their potential relationships with divorced/divorcing men. I definitely would recommend this book to my clients who may be struggling with these relationships.