Damages

by Bazhe

Damages is a memoir about one man's fight to overcome the psychological wounds created by his peculiar upbringing as he struggled to find his true identity and freedom. In addition, it expresses his... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0595237649
• ISBN13: 9780595237647
• Release Date: January 2002
• Publisher: Writer's Showcase Press
• Length: 416 Pages
• Weight: 1.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 6.2" x 9.1"

Customer Reviews

Identity Crises: Confessions to a Birth Mother

DAMAGES is a memoir of a brave young poet, artist, performer and writer whose life story holds as many elements of a richly detailed fictional novel as well as moments of eloquent poetry, philosophical views gained from living through the rise and fall of communist Yugoslavia and the subsequent fracture of that country into the parcels we now know, observations of the surface and the core needs of the people at the battled intersection of Christianity, Muslim faith, and atheism, and experiences of identity crisis that haunt many adopted children/adults. To make this vast amount of information work for the reader, author Bazhe has wisely elected to tell his story as bifurcated between the realities of the present in relating to his adoptive mother on her deathbed and his at times lurid past to his birth mother, conveniently placed just up the stairs from his dying mother. It works as a gimmick or technique that allows the reader to understand the present Bazhe by allowing him to very gradually escort us through the damages of his early childhood through his bumpy road to manhood. The crises here are from two vantages: Bazhe was reluctantly given up for adoption by his 15-year-old birth mother Mila (his very beginning was the result of a brutal rape), his adoptive parents were wealthy and privileged due, oddly enough, to the high communist government position of the father. His early years were frosted with gifts and advantage, but his childhood was damaged by his position of wealth in a country (Macedonia) struggling under dictatorship and inequality. Bazhe, a beautiful and bright child, drew attention beacuse of his androgynous appearance - a factor that would provide problems for him throughout his life. His father was highly respected by the people, but feared by his abused wife and child. Entering school, Bazhe gradually became aware of his same sex orientation and began to dress 'inappropriately' and attract male lovers in a community that would not tolerate homosexuality. His adventures in escaping to Turkey resulted in his being courted by a wealthy man into the world of cross-dressing and the eventual rejected demand that he undergo sex reassignment surgery. Returning home, his confession of his lifestyle brought the expected conflict from his parents and he fled to Belgrade where he became a Madam for the unwanted gay population of 'aunties'. While undergoing this seemingly endless series of life changes, Bazhe searched for his birth mother without success. After a final life threatening incident that underscored the bitter and vicious collapse of his country's belief systems in the person of a brutish, abusive, conflicted anti-communist, Bazhe fled to America, only to return to comfort his mother at the time of his father's death. Upon arriving in Macedonia his mother's devotion is focused on her beloved adopted son and Bazhe discovers that his mother has progressive cancer: he spends his time as a nurse to his mother'

What a big surprise!

I've just finished reading Bazhe's document, Damages. I'm calling this autobiography a "document," because it not only documents the author's early life, but it also documents a behind-the-scenes view of the dissolution of Yugoslavia, and the "underground" nature of the GLBT community there, while artfully comparing American society to society in eastern Europe, most notably former Yugoslavia. The caveat at the beginning of the book states that this is a true story, but some of the names and circumstances have been modified to protect the identities of some of the characters. I'm glad they didn't say that it was to protect the "innocent." No one seems to be "innocent" in this book.The story begins with the death of Bazhe's cruel father, a retired communist official, and Bazhe returns to the Macedonian province in Yugoslavia to visit his mother. During his visit, he discovers that his beloved adoptive mother is not well. Eventually, she consents to seeing a doctor. Bazhe nurses her in her home, while finally locating his biological mother. During their first meeting, a secretive week, Bazhe reveals to his birth mother, and his readers, his painful, abusive, and lonely childhood, with a significant window of real happiness. I identified with Bazhe in many ways, while in the end I didn't know whether to envy or pity him. Finally, I found myself counting my own blessings. While losing his own innocence at a tender age, he is forced to create his own world. His striking good looks are both a blessing and a curse. Bazhe brilliantly tells stories of his growing up in a world that he knows will damn him. The stories interweave to develop in him the strength that he will need to survive. There is great maturity here. There is incredible happiness as well as heartbreaking sadness in this man's life, and he comes out of it as a survivor. A survivor of the damages that make him what he is. The real danger of baring your soul as Bazhe has done, is that readers can end up feeling that they know the author, well. In this case, I feel that Bazhe has kept some of his most private thoughts to himself, while sharing a great deal of both joy and sorrow. While the book could use a better job of editing, I cannot fault the author, especially since English (the American version) is his sixth language. This book is beautifully written and reads smoothly. He does an excellent job of moving the story along, and holding the reader's attention, even though this is a fairly long book. In spite of its length, the romantic in me would like to have read more of the author's relationship with his partner, Fred. He states that Fred loves him, and I'm sure he loves Fred, but there must be a solid relationship there for them to endure the lengthy separations that occur. This must be one area that Bazhe decided to keep something to himself. Who could blame him?If you're ready for a real-life story of a very difficult time in world history, as well as lookin

It's a book you must read

Don`t think for one moment that this is a one-theme novel. Far from it. And if you do, your are in for a big surprise. This marvelous book encapsulates everything and everyone around the author from his early upbringing to his adulthood and his undying total devotion to his mother and her tragic illness, colon cancer. Also it encompasses the turbulent Balkan history and the consequences of nationalism and religious fanaticism that destroys any society. This is a touching characterization of a young man growing up in a setting alien to most. Bazhe manages to weave issues of identity, sexuality, class and search for his birth mother with ease. He is not afraid to speak the truth and to feel trust because of that truth. You will be taken in very subtlety the first few chapters and then be lifted into a kaleidoscope of heartbreak, terror, humor, and much happiness. One major attribute it teaches us is to listen to our own hearts. After finishing the last chapter one is amazed that he survived and shows us the shining example of the human spirit. Don`t pass this gem up!

"Damages" is a beautiful eulogy

It is rare for me to read a book cover to cover, but "Damages" had me reading it passionately to its conclusion. I am young, yet to experience the pains and pleasures of this world. Reading "Damages" has affirmed my belief that life is an adventure, full of possibilities. I can only hope to experience a tenth of what this brave and intelligent man lived. I highly recommend this book to anybody.