Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity

by Susan Allison

Each year millions of Americans get divorced, & while there are hundreds of books on relationships, there are far fewer on divorce. CONSCIOUS DIVORCE is the first book to take a healing approach to... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0609808087
• ISBN13: 9780609808085
• Release Date: June 2001
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)
• Length: 309 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.2" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

This helped me make my decision

If you are thinking about divorce, are separated, going through a divorce, or trying to heal from a divorce - READ THIS BOOK! I went to 3 counselors over the past year. I read so many books. Went to church. Joined community groups - but I also just couldn't find contentment in my relationship. This book finally helped me make up my mind, and I'm not even past Chapter 2! For the first time, I felt like my decision in the relationship was MY decision. Not his, my family's, friends'. Mine. This book will challenge you to journal a lot. That is how you work through the feelings. She asks you to answer questions without thinking about them before you write them. That helped so much. I feel like I've gotten a whole book worth of knowledge in simply reading the first chapter. I'm so amazed at everything she says! It's almost as if I wrote it (well in the future). It's made me feel HUMAN and so NOT alone. So many people go through the same struggles I do! I wish you the best in your decision making.

lots of help

this book has been tremendous and I cannot recommend it more highly. it has been so helpful to me as I've gone through the stages of grief and have slowly begun to come to terms with my divorce. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to be aware of what their divorce means to theirself on multiple levels. my wife left me after I cheated. we also had myriad other problems and definitely should have sought pre-marital counseling but both of us were incredibly stubborn and there was some family pressure involved. My wife's mother was vicariously getting the wedding she never had through us, but primarily we should have put the brakes on more than once leading up to our marriage. We also could have repaired our relationship had we entered counseling once we were married, but we were both too self-involved to make time for that. When she decided to leave I felt like my life was over and begged for another chance or for the counseling which was really just too little too late. I started therapy on my own and started reading this book. I don't think I would be able to look at my future as positively as I see it now were it not for this book. I'm still having problems day-to-day but I'm increasingly removing some of the stress from my life and learning to think positively about today AND tomorrow. I can even envision life without her. I want my wife to read this book, but she's been living "in the moment" and I don't think she's yet made time to deal with the past. I think that she did some thinking and talking to friends before she blindsided me with the news that she was leaving. But whether you're initiating your divorce or you're dealing with the fallout from when your spouse walked out the door, Conscious Divorce provides the blueprint if not the roadmap to your future happiness and success.

How to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on

Conscious Divorce: Ending A Marriage With Integrity by clinical hypnotherapist, ordained ministerial counselor, seminar leader, and divorce counselor Susan Allison is a practical, emotional, and spiritual book offering both advice and comfort to the divorced, with special emphasis on learning how to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on. Although some practical issues are addressed, the primary focus of Conscious Divorce is on the critical importance of maintaining close ties with loved ones, and on allowing one's heart and soul to heal. Conscious Divorce is a strongly recommended reading for survivors of the often bruising and demeaning divorce process.

Useful advice presented in a calming style

Read CONSCIOUS DIVORCE: ENDING MARRIAGE WITH INTEGRITY by Susan Allison, a clinical hypnotherapist . . . what I found interesting about this book was that Allison had actually gone through divorce herself; in fact, she instituted the process in her marriage . . . furthermore, I appreciated her calming styleShe shows you that divorce doesn't have to be adversarial, especially if both parties agree to work through the process (preferably with the help of a mediator) . . . .there's a lot of useful advice here, and it applies to couples in all different stages of a relationship--and evento those not married . . . in addition, there are suggestions on such topics as communication, financial planning and self-care that apply to anybody, regardless of the state of his or her relationship.There were several memorable passages; among them:If, for instance, you wake up and say, "I don't want to get up; it's going to be a lousy day; nothing will go right; I hate my life," then guess what? You will unconsciously create all this misery for yourself just by taking action based on your thoughts. Sometimes we think our minds and thoughts control us, that we have no choice, but this is simply not true. Your mind is a computer and you are the programmer; you can change the program anytime you want, to one that will work the best for you.The first time I worked on my resentments and need to forgive,I found it difficult. This was because the person had hurt me, and I refused to excuse what he had done. At this point in my life, it was my father I hated and blamed for my unhappiness. It took me several weeks in a course taught by Judy Wardell-Halliday to realize that the forgiveness was not for the other person. It was for me. You may remember the question from a previous chapter, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Here, this can be changed slightly to, "Do you want to be bitter, or do you want to forgive?" Forgiveness begins with a conscious choice: to cling to the ego's attachment to sin, blame, and guilt, or to replace the ego-voice with one of love and forgiveness.You're finished [with resentment against your ex-spouse] when you write the words, "I resent you for . . . " and nothingcomes up. Write this phrase three times and if it is stillblank, you are probably finished . . . for now. Be assuredthat more will come up from time to time, especially ifthe two of you are still in contact. If not, this may or may not be your final resentment list.

Help for Those Who are Hurting

This book, Conscious Divorce, is extremely helpful and positive, and after reading a section or chapter, I feel supported and not so alone. Not only is the content practical, such as advice about finances and the legal system, but there are spiritual rituals and supportive affirmations that make me feel better when I read them. Going through a divorce can feel devastating, and stressful. I like that this book focuses on ways to heal and move on! I'm tired of all the media focus on divorce as adversarial. It can be a time of introspection and transformation, a time to go in new directions, but still be able to forgive your partner, and treat each other with integrity. This is what Conscious Divorce advocates. Bravo.