Why am I here? My life's pointless. I was going to Penn before my parents got divorced and stopped paying my tuition. Now I'm back at Big-Mart. The only positive in my life is Charlotte, my hot girlfriend. Although, if I'm being honest, it's not going so well. My coworker, Kyle, is a misogynist, but he might be right about Charlotte's monkey branching, which apparently means she's still with me but looking to trade up. I...