I'm sixteen and I'm living in a prison. It's called Buckingham Palace. I'm Alfred, Prince of Wales. My parents are dead. My grandma-the Queen-has lost her mind. My only friend is an alcoholic corgi named Wormwood. I'm being raised by bureaucrats. Who hate me. The tabloids call me ROYAL BRAT. That's for getting kicked out of Eton. For setting fire to the chapel. And stabbing the headmaster in the foot with a syringe. I'm...