Beyond Romance

by M.C. Dillon

Book Overview

Critiques the predominant romantic ideal.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0791450988
• ISBN13: 9780791450987
• Release Date: October 2001
• Publisher: State University of New York Press
• Length: 208 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.1" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Illuminating, positive, useful thoughts on romance and love

This is an important book about a topic that desperately needs the attention. It describes a common source of unhappiness in love and how we might be happier through a special kind of allowing. The book steps you easily through Professor Dillon's position, a testament to Dillon's cleanliness of thought, economy of language, and richness of style.As Dillon explains through examples and illustrations from literature, media, philosophy and commentary, our post-modernist culture teaches us to doubt that people can ever really know and understand each other, teaches us to distrust what lovers can sense about each other. All that we know of someone, we are told, is what we project. And so whatever influence we try to have with someone is a form of oppression. So we learn to maintain a distance. Ultimately we reduce our partners to objects of our desire. This leaves nowhere for love to go but into idealization and fantasy. We imagine through our lovers some sort of perfect scenario. And when we love like this, the result begins euphorically but nearly always ends badly, painfully, tragically. This is the phenomenon of romantic love. As Dillon explains further, the erotic kind of romantic love has no exclusive claim to upending us. Soul-shattering episodes have exploded into great novels and wrenched the direction of history no more often in episodes of erotic love than in love of wisdom, love of humanity, and love of god. If seeking something ideal is a natural if not unfulfilling sort of human activity, we should recognize it everywhere in life. Indeed it is ubiquitous - we spot our romanticized notions wherever we look, from primping in front of the mirror to clinging to dualistic ontology for 2400 years. Most of the time we don't even notice ourselves in some sort of idealized love, don't feel the pain, don't even lose a step. But when romantic love hits hard we can find ourselves fighting for our very lives though neither sharp claws nor open chasms loom. We kill ourselves over it. Lovers murder lovers, even family. We cannot reason it away. We can't drink it away. We cannot escape it through any drug. What distinguishes deadly romantic love from all the other misguided quests for unreachable perfection? What would result if somehow I could allow my lover to emerge, unfold and announce herself within my life? M.C. Dillon offers surprising answers to these important questions.

good book

take his class on this at suny binghamton -- he teaches what is in the book.

Phenomenal

The spectacular insight into human affairs and relations gained from this piece of art is exceptional. Dillon writes simply and poetically, allowing his ideas to flow and take shape throughout each chapter, one building on the last. The idea that there is another way to love and relate to other human beings oustide of a complete subject/object distinction is refreshing and inspiring. I would recommend this book to anyone with an interest in life.