Beyond Blame: A New Way of Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

by Jeffrey A. Kottler

Book Overview

Focuses on the only party in a conflict that we have any control over: ourselves Conflict is an interactive process--you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage. And with conflict we must first understand the problem and then take responsibility by changing our own roles. Beyond Blame presents...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0787902497
• ISBN13: 9780787902490
• Release Date: March 1996
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Length: 252 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.7" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Beyond Blame

After reading several books on relaltionships, this by far reaches the top. This book gets to the inner core of most problems that people have and is especially essential for those in marriage situations where there is conflict. The author brings out the need for two people to realize that no matter what the issues there is always a chance to resolve. In the book it indicates that it will take two people to realize their differences and work jointly to resolve those issues whether they remain as close as they would like to be as a couple or as partners or as friends or a combination. Committment to the realizations that have caused a separation of two people is essential for resolving anything that the parties feel would make them whole. Responsibility and blame are too often confused in conflict. This book does an excellent job in separating the two with a clearer understanding for the reader to comprehend. It is an excellent text for people to read if they feel that their relationship is so very important to them. The author also indicates that a third party or a professonal counselor could make the difference in resolving issues between individuals but a strong comittment to that task is essential.

The easiest way to get beyond blame...

Blame is perhaps the most useless of all words in the human vocabulary, and it is the most useless of all emotions. If you get mad, know you are dealing with yourself and the person you are mad at has provided the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get mad at someone. If you are not afraid, there is no way you can blame someone else for making you mad or uncomfortable. If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for those emotions. There is no place for blame. When you feel good about yourself, everything around you is good. You love everything that is around you, because you love yourself. If you are truthful to yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain. You are never responsible for the actions of others, you are only responsible for you.