Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free from the Perfection Deception

by Alice D. Domar and Alice Lesch Kelly

Book Overview

Do you have trouble going to bed at night when there's a mess in the kitchen? Do you think you would be happier if only you could lose weight, be a better parent, work smarter, reduce stress, exercise... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0307354318
• ISBN13: 9780307354310
• Release Date: March 2008
• Publisher: Crown Publishing Group (NY)
• Length: 283 Pages
• Weight: 1.15 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 6.5" x 9.4"

Customer Reviews

Perfectly imperfect

Perfect reading for perfectionists! If you frequently feel that your body/home/job/relationships/parenting/fill-in-the-blank are not good enough, this book is likely to provide some welcome relief. Based on cognitive behavioral therapy, Be Happy Without Being Perfect provides ways to identify and restructure the cognitive distortions that often lie at the root of perfectionism. The book's easy-to-read and easy-to-apply information, advice, and techniques help pave the road to escape from the "perfection deception" and arrive at a life that can be perfectly imperfect.

The Imperfect Review on the Near Perfect Book

In a world of quick read self-help books all too often serving up platitudes, it is a pleasure to read a thoughtful, constructive, guide book on such an important subject. Author Alice Domar does a wonderful job of weaving short snippets about her patients (anonymity protected of course), candid confessions about her own struggles with perfectionism, and compassionate guidance as to self help remedies. An occasional dash of humor makes for a most enjoyable read. (My wife and I howled at the story of Martha Stewart's "perfect" Thanksgiving.) Couple of caveats for potential readers. This book was written for woman, a point not clear on the book's jacket front (what with the one highlighted reviewer being a male stating "Dr. Domar teaches `us' how..."). I believe the author's major points are largely applicable to men, albeit in a different enough context that males will likely not find this as effective a book. And, this book is much more about "perfectionism" than being happy. Perfectionism obviously is a barrier to happiness, but certainly not anything close to the end all of happiness. There has been a raft of excellent books of late on the overall subject of happiness (e.g., Marci Shimoff's Happy for No Reason) that would be a good companion read for reformed perfectionists looking to progress further on the road to deep happiness. Notwithstanding those two caveats, I thought this was an important book, well written, and fully deserving of five stars. Now, if only I had written a perfect review...

A must-read for recovering perfectionists

From the need to please everyone to the need to be right, this excellent guide will hit home with every woman who lets perfectionism cripple her life. (The book is written for women, but male perfectionists will find a lot here too.) Alice Domar writes with compassion, and while her professional credentials are outstanding and impressive, she writes as though she were talking to a friend. Her guide covers topics of key interest to perfectionists, including making peace with our "imperfect" bodies and personal appearance. She reminds us that nobody's home is ever as perfect as Martha Stewart's, and that our friends and family won't always live up to our expectations. Of particular interest to me were the opening chapters explaining how and why perfectionism is so pervasive among women today. Letting go of perfectionism is the path to inner peace -- and this helpful guide points the way. -- Cindy La Ferle

Freedom Happening!

I have been a perfectionist or striving toward perfection ever since my pre-teen years. As an oldest (hero) of a family with an alcholic mother and an engineer/lawyer for a father, my perfectionism runs deep. For my grades, I got "why the B?" and for my adolescent weight gain, I was ridiculed by my family. But the criticism that my family innocently enough started, I "perfected". I became a master at self depreciation. In fact, telling myself that "I did a great job" is painful for me, even when obviously true. However, after reading Dr. Domar's book, I believe that I can change my thinking and become a much happier person. In fact, I have started using the cognitive restructuring tools and wow, what a difference. Here is an example: my son's birthday was last week and instead of ripping myself for not wrapping his package (and placing it in a blanket), I said to myself, "he is 12, we are away from home, who cares if the package is wrapped?...he just wants the present". And guess what? I was much happier because I didn't lay into myself with criticsim for somehting that really didn't matter. And, I enjoyed a very unperfect party. Yahoo! For all the women who either struggle with, are paralyzed by or even just flirt with perfectionism, I highly recommend that you read this brilliantly written book. For me, freedom from constant perfectionistic thinking is happening! Thank you Dr. Alice Domar and Alice Lesch Kelly!

Must Read on Perfectionism!!

I first came across Ali Domar's mind/body work through my struggle with infertility. Her book Healing Mind, Healthy Woman: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Manage Stress and Take Control of Your Life has had a huge impact on my life. It just so happens that I am also a perfectionist and find this book to be equally fantastic! Who Should Read This Book If you're a woman, this book is for you. More specifically, if you grew up in the wake of Martha Stewart, if you clean your house spotless before having guests over, if you look in the mirror and see every flaw... this book is for you. What You Will Learn Ali begins with a quiz to assess how perfectionism is affecting key areas of your life: body image, home, job, relationships, children, and decision making. The remainder of the book presents tools, techniques, and anecdotes to help free you from the grip of perfectionism. The tools and techniques are approachable and don't require anything more than pen and paper. Like any self-help book, reading is only half the battle. To really benefit, you'll have to roll up your sleeves and get to work. Fortunately, with a good variety of easy to implement techniques, you're bound to find something that works well for you. I will also add that there's a chapter early in the book that explores the roots of the perfectionism in our society, dating back to the early 1800's. Learning the history of these undertones was fascinating and provided a great perspective. Take-Away Perfectionists aren't doomed! Our parents may have unintentionally cultivated our perfectionist ways, but it's possible to change. I've read a lot of books on perfectionism, but have never felt this empowered to make real changes in my life.