Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace

by Ayelet Waldman

Book Overview

In the tradition of recent hits like The Bitch in the House and Perfect Madness comes a hilarious and controversial book that every woman will have an opinion about, written by America's most... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0385527934
• ISBN13: 9780385527934
• Release Date: May 2009
• Publisher: Doubleday Books
• Length: 208 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.8" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Loved it!

Made me feel a little more normal and at the same time showed me there is no real “normal”. But it was honest and reassured me as a mom that the ones we think are perfect are just better at hiding there anxieties. No mom is exempt to falling into the Bad Moms Club at some point

Compelling Read

This is a very well-written book and covers so many of the hot issues facing mothers today. Ms. Waldman is completely genuine and honest and as a result becomes a sympathetic writer. I could not put this book down. It really captivated me.

Cheeky And Touching Confessions of Bad Motherdom

I had a conversation with my husband not long before reading this book in which I tried to explain to him that I didn't seem to be cut out for this stay-at-home mommy thing that I'd been doing for two years, that I needed mental stimulation and that I wanted a job I was excited about, a social life, a life outside of my kids. He complained that my general message was that I was bored and I unabashedly admitted that I was only to be met by a guilt-inducing retort: "Do you think I like what I do? No, I don't. But we've got bills to pay." In short, he seemed unsympathetic and unaccepting of what I felt, probably even that I was ungrateful for the opportunity to be able to stay at home with my children. I, in turn, was guilted into submission over his tepid attitude towards his job and sighed with resignation when calculating the astronomical cost of two young children in daycare vs. the meager salary I would be taking home in this current economy with no college education to speak of. Should I return to the workforce, our children would be with so-called "strangers" during the day, subject to the worst that public daycare centers have been rumored to dish out (neglect and/or abuse, inexperienced staff, poor structure/lack of routine) and I would then be labeled in his mind or the minds of others as a callous and negligent mother. My hopes dashed, I began to suffer in silence once again, doomed to the tedium and monotony of caring for my children day after "soul-crushingly" boring day. But then along came "Bad Mother" by Ayelet Waldman, a book which spoke for me in so many different ways and whose author vindicated me without even knowing she had. "Most of the women I know feel an underlying and corrosive sense of disappointment and anxiety. The women I know are, on some level, unfulfilled. And the women I know spend a lot of time trying to avoid wondering whether the sacrifice was worth it. It's that very wondering, it's the being unfulfilled, that makes us feel the worst. That's what triggers our most intense anxiety. Feeling dissatisfied, bored and unhappy is unpleasant, yes, but what really scares us is the very fact of our dissatisfaction, boredom and unhappiness. Because a mother who isn't satisfied with being a mother, a mother who wants to do more than spend her days with her children, a mother who can imagine more, is selfish." (pg. 13) Waldman, a Harvard law graduate, mother of four and author of "The Mommy-Track Mysteries", covers a lot of territory in "Bad Mother" and layers dewy sentiment with brash humor on the ups and downs of being a mother, the working mom vs. the stay-at-home mom and the criticism we ourselves face as mothers, not to mention how quick we are to jump on the "bad mother bandwagon" to relieve our own insecurities about being subpar parents (she cites such extreme examples as Britney Spears, Andrea Yates and Susan Smith). Most of whom picks up this book will be women desiring absolution from a bad mothe

Excellent and Cohesive Essays on Motherhood

The first year after my son was born I found it difficult to concentrate on reading anything longer or more complex than People magazine or books on parenthood. In particular books on developmental milestones or about what it meant to be a mother. Most of the books about what it meant to be a mother I took to the used bookstore to get credit for other books without finishing them. I wanted something that would speak to me and my fledging philosophy on motherhood and something that would stand as a primer of sorts as to what to expect in the months and years to come. I never found anything that resonated with me as much as this does or that was as well written and literate. I found myself wanting to highlight passages like I did in college text books, I thought about how I would describe this book in the review I would write, I thought about who among my friends I would loan it to (or buy it for) taking it into the bathtub with me, on the couch while watching my third episode of WordWorld in a row with my son (yes I am never going to win Mother of the year, but to be fair that is a great learning tool.) In short, I really like this book. It talks about the impossibility of meeting the expectations of being a Good Mother, which are both internal and external. Waldman fearlessly exposes her own flaws and foibles to let us other less than perfect mother's know we're not alone to remind us that to be a good mother does not mean completely subjugating the self on the altar of one's children. Or at least that is what I got out of it. I recommend this book for expectant mothers and fathers and for parents of older children.

Funny, touching, and honest

Being a mom today is hard. Working, not working, co-sleeping, crying it out, attachment parenting, spanking, positive discipline...the list of things "good moms" do versus the things "bad moms" do (or don't do) can go on forever. Waldman takes an honest look at how moms make each other feel like failures, question our decisions, and jump at the chance to berate another mom for being "bad." Many times, I laughed out loud while reading this book. Sometimes I wanted to cry. Waldman is brutally honest, very funny, and very clever. I read this book in under 24 hours, and already know a few moms who I'll be happy to loan it to. The basic message is to not get caught up in the race to be the best mom, comparing ourselves to fictional ideals like Mrs. Cleaver or Mary Poppins. The only gripe I have with the book is something that bothers me about many "motherhood" books. It doesn't detract from Waldman's theme, but once again we have the perspective of a mom who actually has a choice between a high powered, lucrative career and staying home. She had to pump breastmilk in her own office--what about the moms who have to pump in a bathroom or car? What about the moms who simply can't choose to stay home because their income is needed just to feed and clothe the children? To her credit, Waldman does comment on the fact that not everyone can afford a housecleaning service. She, at least, seems aware that not all moms have her lifestyle. Personally, I'd enjoy reading a book from a mom's perspective on how to divvy up housework with a spouse, not feel guilty about working, and adjusting your working life to family life when you have a "job" instead of a "career," when you and your husband have no choice but to work outside the home, and you can't afford to pay someone else to scrub the toilet. In spite of that, I still loved Bad Mother.

Candid, Funny, Thought Provoking

Note: This review is based on an advance review copy and not a final copy of the book. "One of the reasons we tell stories is to find meaning in events that seem devoid of it, to make sense of the senseless." Ayelet Waldman Author Ayelet Waldman wrote BAD MOTHER to explore "the perils and joys of trying to be a decent mother in a world intent on making you feel like a bad one." And there are lots of perils, as any mother knows. Society blames her when children are anything less than its definition of perfect, and she blames herself for whatever society misses. But Waldman's book is not a droning sociological dissertation. Not at all. It's light and weighty, humorous and intimate, thought provoking and entertaining. Waldman starts off by listing the numerous fuzzy and unattainable definitions of a GOOD mother, she then goes on to describe the judgmental workings of the BAD Mother police, mothers compelled to correct other mothers' poor parenting. Why do they do this? She says, "Perhaps it's because there is so much at stake. Another parent's different approach raises the possibility that you've made a mistake with your child. We simply can't tolerate that, because we fear that any mistake, no matter how minor, could have devastating consequences" Waldman gets serious as she examines how her mother's feminist influence/agenda has affected her marriage and mothering choices. She notes there are women "who have ended up, contrary to their expectations, living lives disturbingly similar to those of their mothers." And she confesses she's a bad mother because she allowed her newborn to starve for weeks before she realized he wasn't nursing correctly, and because she loves her husband more than her children. She takes a look at gender roles in her marriage, and she takes on her relationship with her husband's mother--a GOOD mother, of course. She then complains that mothers shouldn't be asked to shepherd their too-young kids through complex, time-consuming homework tasks and that her kids shouldn't have to go through the shame of being a dodgeball target like she did. But then she says, "sometimes what you have to protect them [your children] from is the ongoing avalanche of your own childhood." In some chapters Waldman is incredibly vulnerable. For instance when she relates her extensive sexual history: "At Wesleyan University there was no dishonor in being a slut... I slept with roommates and bandmates (although never at the same time), with frat boys and stoners, with exchange students and grad students." Most touching is when she shares her agony about her decision to have an abortion in her second trimester. She says it is "the most serious of the many maternal crimes I tally in my head when I am at my lowest, when the Bad Mother label seems to fit best." Waldman lightheartedly describes her children's reactions to her arguments with her husband and her guilt over the disparity between the documented minutia of her first child's life