Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids

by Carolyn Crowder, Audrey Ricker, Carolyn Ricker, Audrey; Crowder

Book Overview

"So what? All the other kids get to do it!"
Few behavioral problems challenge and frustrate parents, caregivers, and teachers as does verbal rudeness in children of any age. Reinforced by the wise-cracking kids on TV and in the movies, backtalk has become all too common among today's youngsters. But there is nothing cute about this behavior. Remarks like "Yeah, right," "Big deal," and "Make me" -- form children as young as three -- get...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 068484124X
• ISBN13: 9780684841243
• Release Date: March 1998
• Publisher: Touchstone Books
• Length: 176 Pages
• Weight: 0.42 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.5" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Book

Arrived on time Good book

A Great Help!

If you have young children (under 14) who 'talk back' to you, you may find this book to be of some help in undoing what can feel like a hopeless battle. My own 9-year old began talking back when he got into first grade, picking up snappy statements from TV and peers. I tried to excuse it at first as just the way modern kids talk to modern parents (I have offspring as old as 32, all boys, who never talked back this way). After deciding this really was unacceptable behavior, and recognizing that left unattended it was getting worse, I started taking steps to stop it. This book has been one of the aids (not the solution). It doesn't expect the parent to make a friend or equal of the child (rationalize, debate, etc.), but it also doesn't encourage setting up a dictatorship. As with many things, the solution to problems is sometimes in the difficult to maintain moderation arena, which actually requires more work by the parent.I like this book because it worked - despite being difficult to do at first, once the child gets the message, repeat performances are rare and easy to stop. The book itself is short and to the point, with just four simple steps to follow. They are common sense - I suspect most of us who have this problem will recognize them - but busy, often-stressed parents will appreciate the gentle support and reminders this book offers.1) Recognize what is and isn't backtalk. (if it hurts, embarrasses, annoys you, its backtalk. If the child is just relaying his feelings about something, its an opinion) 2) Choose an appropriate consequence (unlike 'punishment', a consequence is a result that makes sense to the child) 3) Enact the consequence 4) Disengage from the struggle with the backtalker (don't take it personally, or you're doomed).Sounds so simple you want to click the "this review wasn't helpful button?" It IS simple -- so simple we forget, so simple it seems to good to be true. The hard parts of these steps are #3 and #4. No book can give you the solution, but books can offer help and reminders.There are details in the book that I still find helpful -- the backtalk has pretty much stopped -- all I have to do is remind my son now that "backtalk isn't allowed" and he immediately stops. In addition, there are short chapters for backtalk from Adult Children (!), from Children in College, for Single Parents specifically, and Backtalk in the Media. There is a bit of information on support groups and other resources (not a lot), plus ideas on starting your own support group, as well as a chapter dedicated to responding to people who disagree with the methods in this book.

This book made so much sense!

This book was quite a quick read. It was direct and thorough and gave so many scenarious that I deal with on a day to day basis. I am implementing the program and already after the third day I have seen improvements in my childrens' behavior. I have a two year old boy and a five year old girl and both of them have become quite the backtalkers! I really needed this book as I was at my wits end on how to deal with this behavior. It gave me other options rather than just a time out which really never corrected the behavior. I highly recommend this book to every parent. Most importantly, carefully select appropriate programming for your children as they learn lots of rude behavior from their daily television shows they watch on tv.

Excellent book for dealing with anyone - not just kids

I read this book in one sitting recently - it's short and an easy read. I started using some of the recommended techniques that same day with our kids and they do work. Yes, they are simple, and most of them are things I already knew about setting boundaries - but sometimes it's helpful to have reminders and specific examples! I've used the techniques with other rude people as well, and while they're generally shocked to hear someone say "I will not interact with you if you will not be civil" it does work. Rudeness is, unfortunately, rampant in our society - this book should be required reading for anyone who's unhappy about it.

Fabulous techniques

This book teaches adults how to teach children in their lives not to speak rudely to others. It is amazing to realize how early some children learn to backtalk, and how quickly you can break them of that habit (the sooner the better!) The book tells you how to recognize the difference between rude backtalk and requests for topics of conversation (sometimes the difference can be hazy.) It also shows you how to immediately enact a consequence so that the child is told unequivocally that their behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. This book has no room for "IF you do this again, I will do this..." It jumps right in with both feet - "BECAUSE you were rude and that makes me feel bad/sad/angry, I don't feel like doing this nice thing that I had said I would do for you." When the child sees immediate consequences, he learns very quickly and the behavior can be eliminated within a few weeks. This book is straightforward and exceedingly helpful for adults who interact with children of all ages.

Quick to read, quick to work

I read the book in one afternoon and immediately put the suggestions to work. My 3 1/2 year back-talker caught on immediately. Within 3 days, her behavior had changed. No more arguing, no more back-talk, no more negotiating, no more hysterics and temper-tantrums. The recommended method in this book doesn't mean you have to become a monster. Most of my time with my children is full of loving cuddling time with lots of hugs, kisses, praises and self-esteem building encouragement. My husband continues with our old ineffective method of discipline. As such, my daughter continues to argue with him and back-talks to him.