Back When We Were Grownups

by Anne Tyler

Book Overview

One morning, Rebecca wakes up and realises she has turned into the wrong person. Is she really this joyous and outgoing organiser of parties, the put-upon heart of her dead husband's extended family?... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0375412530
• ISBN13: 9780375412530
• Release Date: May 2001
• Publisher: Alfred A. Knopf
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 1.35 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.1" x 6.6" x 9.6"

Customer Reviews

A Little Gem

I wasn't expecting to laugh out loud as I read this endearing story of Rebecca Davitch, who was widowed early in her marriage and was left to carry on her late husband's family business of hosting parties in the family's aging, once-elegant-now-rather-shabby, money pit of an old house. As she goes through the throes of midlife's "what ifs", she begins to question the constant demands of her colorful and fractious extended family whose members constantly barge in on her life, as well as her "bubbly, let's-all-have-fun" personality that she seems to have developed as a result of people's expectations of her after her many years of party-hosting. Her ongoing critical self-appraisal of the metamorphosis of her hair, body and clothes is humorous and identifiable to readers of a certain age! Her decision to seek out her old boyfriend is both funny and poignant. Loved this book.

What Will Be... Will Be...

Rebecca Davitch is a 53 year old woman, who finds herself, in life, at a place she never expected. She simply thinks she is the wrong person. What happened to her life? One minute she was an aspiring history major in college, and the next she was a middle aged woman, who widowed early in her marriage, has raised, on her own, 4 daughters, 3 of them from her husband's previous marriage. Taking over the Davitch family business of hosting parties in their large, but always in need of repair, home, also became part of her exsistence. She has been and seems will always be, the glue that holds this growing family together. Always there to smooth out the wrinkles and motivate the troops. But what of Rebecca's wants and needs? Who will ever see to them? Is her college boyfriend, who she left for her husband, the answer to her quest for the real Rebecca, or is her life just as it should be? Anne Tyler's "Back When We Were Grownups" is a wonderful take on midlife and family life. Rebecca's thoughts and feelings seem so real, almost anyone who's been there can identify with this woman. You may have even thought some of the same thoughts as Rebecca. The family and friends who surround her could be any family, anywhere, including all the everday challenges that life presents. The story is humorous, touching and at times poignant. It reminded me a bit of Doris Day's song, "Que Sera, Sera" It is a tale of finding peace with who you are, and it is one that although starts out a little slow, will have you falling in love with the characters and wishing there was more by the end. Also available on audio with a fabulous reading from Blair Brown:Back When We Were Grownups A wonderful life story,told with a quiet humor that gives you the feeling you're with an old friend. Enjoy....Laurie

Don't overlook this quiet book; an enjoyable read

This was my first Anne Tyler book. The first sentence intrigued me, so I bought the book. I first read the readers' reviews of the book and, of course, didn't see a consensus of opinions. I really didn't care `cause I knew I was going to read it anyway. If you're used to reading action, fast-paced, suspenseful books, then this can be a bit of a turn. Ms. Tyler can write about the ordinary with flare. I would say she's the Jerry Seinfeld of writing.The premise, to those who don't know, is whether Rebecca, the main character, has actually chosen the life that she was meant to live. If we are in our 40's or above, many times we look back on our lives and can see where the path we were taking suddenly changed. It usually occurs in our 20's, but whose to say it can't happen in our 30's, 40's, or whenever. We can be constantly striving to better our lives and, in so doing, our paths can change again.At a family picnic where her incredibly wacky family are doing their usual wacky stuff, Rebecca muses on that subject. She decides to go home to see her mother (I sure wouldn't want to go home too often if she were MY mother) as well as an old boyfriend. As we get to meet this old boyfriend, I thought, "Oh my God, no. This guy is so bleak, and so lifeless, while Rebecca is too alive to be with him." Thank God she comes to her senses. The cutest character is Poppy, the elderly (nearing 100) uncle of her late husband. At his hilarious 100th birthday party (which he's frequently reminding Rebecca of throughout the book), when he's asked to give a speech, Poppy starts droning on, with great detail, on the events of the day.... what he had for breakfast, etc. Ms. Tyler moves us away from Poppy to a frustrated Rebecca who waits interminably until Poppy delivers the detailed account of his momentous day. "Where is he now?" she asks her brother-in-law. "He's eating lunch," he replies. Rebecca and the reader know we have a while to go. Don't we all have relatives like that??!!In the end, Rebecca realizes that she, indeed, is living the life she was meant to live. But Ms. Tyler doesn't really state that in so many words. The reader just knows that. At least, I knew it.Back When We Were Grownups is a quiet book, a book about everyday happenings and how the mundane can have a huge impact on us. Don't look for any stupendous finish, or escalating drama, or some unsolved mystery to occur. It's not in this book. It made me think about my own life and the exact time when the path I was moving toward changed. I know, without a doubt, that if I had followed that original path, I would have become a different person. And, incidentally, a person I would not have liked. 30 years later, I can see that. So, for me, I am definitely leading the life I was supposed to. I hope to always keep changing for the better.So to those who are hesitating to read this book, give it a try, keep an open mind and I think you'll really enjoy it. I did.

Anne Tyler Excels With Laugh-out-Loud Yet Poignant Story

Much has been made, and deservedly so, of the excellent opening line to this novel---Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person. Not since Daphne DuMaurier penned Rebecca have I read such a strong, enticing opening. Coincidentally, the heroine of this story is named Rebecca. Like many middle-aged women, she reaches a point where she wonders what happened to that intelligent, inquisitive 18-year old and how she evolved into the family planner and consoler, a grandmother who dresses like a bag lady. Anne Tyler keeps her brilliant humor with this one as she gives us quirky, slightly offbeat characters surrounded by chaos, trying to make it while sliding downhill all the time. This work is all about the choices we make and the big "What IFS."In the midst of one typically chaotic moment, while trying to cheer up an unhappy, grumbling family during a picnic, a perpetually jolly Rebecca is shocked to realize what a clean, simple life she would have led of it weren't for love. Nothing in the much-extended and offbeat Davitch family ever "flows" and it is always Rebecca at the epicenter of all crises. Apparently, she learns, you grow to love whomever you're handed whether it's a 99-year old man on his way to the hospital or a daughter who drops husband after husband, always after having given birth to a child. Tyler gives us a look into the everyday events in life that are fraught with laughter (but only to an outsider or years later in retrospect.) Her meeting with her former fiance, the dinner with his multi-pierced daughter, the 100th birthday party she hosts for her uncle-in-law, and her attempt at an elegant dinner party while two gardeners discuss their mating habits outside an open window are just some of the laugh-out-loud funny moments that fill this book.It is Rebecca's long-put-on-hold study of Robert E. Lee that leads her to the realization there are no grander motivations than family and friends and your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. Rebecca finally sees herself on a family video and realizes she really had been having a wonderful time. And you will, too, as you share her middle-aged crisis with her. Happy reading!

a sad but compelling read

Perhaps it's just because I've recently become middle-aged myself, but I found Anne Tyler's new novel quite saddening. Don't get me wrong--it's also a book that draws you in, and the main character, 53-year-old-party-planning-widow Rebecca Davitch, is a person who is engaging. But both the novel and Rebecca's sudden confusion create an ache that lingers long after the reading is through. It's a beautiful ache and a wonderful book, but be forewarned--you will be wrenched. Especially if you're middle-aged and undergoing middle-aged confusion yourself.