Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie

by Gail Saltz

Book Overview

What do these people have in common? The traveling businessman who brings prostitutes back to his hotel room The wealthy woman who is arrested for shoplifting The seemingly happily married man who... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0767922743
• ISBN13: 9780767922746
• Release Date: April 2006
• Publisher: Random House (NY)
• Length: 205 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.4" x 9.3"

Customer Reviews

A book every writer and manager should read...

For those of us in education, management, the helping professions or writing, the question -- "Why did they do that?" often haunts us. And, in our own secret lives: why do we secretly eat chocolate when we're supposed to be on a diet? Why do we secretly exaggerate our expenses on our tax return? Why are we cordial and professional to the boss that we secretly desire to tell to go jump in the lake? And, what about those around us, our husbands, wives, colleagues, bosses, neighbors, who cross established boundaries in the workplace, in their marriage, or in their friendships and other relationships, and whose secretive activities soon develop into a whole "secret life," a -- "house of cards" -- that eventually comes down with unpredictable and harmful consequences. We're often left asking "Why?" I've known respected church deacons who slept with each others' wife; a pastor who exposed himself to a court official; worked for two executive at one company who were alcoholics and would yell and scream and throw things at each other in meetings; and, of course, in the national news -- for all to read -- the shame of a President having a sexual relationship with a White House intern; lawmakers caught cheating on their taxes; and on, and on. Saltz carefully describes -- in a descriptive, case-study format -- a wide variety of representative "secret lives." Some from her own experience and practice, others from the national news: what the presenting issues were when the individual showed-up on her office doorstep; where the roots of the problem began; and, she writes eloquently of how such behavior begins, where it leads and the consequences of it seeing the light of day. This book is a journey down a dark cavern, with a writer and teacher shining her light on the path that people who lead secret lives have taken and the implications and consequences of their doing so -- about people's secret love lives -- including those who are gay, those who engage in perverse acts; others addicted to alcohol or drugs; about criminals; and, how their actions tear-up relationships with colleagues and their families; about secret lives that ultimately end marriages, get the person fired, thrown in jail, or brings enormous shame to themselves, their family and/or their organization. You can't go through life without being aware of how one's own secrets or those of someone close to you can cause enormous heartache -- but, for most of us the experience is more of a misunderstanding, not intentional and the situation is looked back on as a "learning experience." But, if you're a manager with a problem employee, or a writer looking for motivations as to why "good people do bad things," or really want to know the real motivations behind how and why some of the best and brightest of those around us screw-up their lives, careers and our work, church and organizations, this book will prove to be a facinating read. This book should be required reading for every capston

Riveting and somewhat depressing-too much reality!

Although this "shrink" is sensitive and compassionate, it seems that in every scenario, after we examine the composite "secret keeper", it comes back that the separation scenario ( from parental control) or whatever in adolescent was messed up and hence the compulsive pathologies result. I am one who is interested in secrets and people's "hidden " life- what motivates this? I think there is a good reason for many people to keep secrets as one reviewer mentions- it's easier to tell a false story to keep busy bodies silent than to "come clean' to everyone in the vicinity. The book does raise questions , but answers are difficult to find-and that's no fault to the author. Life is messy and we're flawed I guess ?

INTERESTING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BOOK

I found this to be a clear-cut, simple explanation of a universal human condition -- the need to keep secrets, and how those secrets can be helpful and necessary, or sometimes, risky and even deadly. The writing is clear and easily understood (even early explanation of the id and ego -- and the first time I think I've ever really understood either) and has a pleasant lack of judgement for even the basest behaviors -- seemed oddly humanizing to me. I guess this book most attracted me because I really do take people at their word and am stunned with a friend's secrets come out -- shocking and hard to grasp. It's made me understand the whole phenomena more and really has me wondering: what secrets do I keep? Are they healthy or building toward disaster? I actually made a list of my secrets and was surprised at the emotional charge some of them had -- not so much my fear of discovery as the way they affect behavior. For example, I have a friend who I once -- years ago -- gossiped about viciously and as it turned out, incorrectly. I've never had the guts to confess and whenever friend calls, I work so hard to be her very best friend, not because we're so particularly close, but because I have this mean little secret driving me on. Interesting subject. Much to chew on.

Fascinating, real page -turner

The best book Ive ever read on this subject. You wont put it down once you start. It really makes you think about the people you know.

A Double Life

Dr. Saltz takes a pinch of Freud with a dash of cognitive behavioral pyschology to create the framework of "Anatomy of a Secret Life." Two years ago, she published "Becoming Real" which explored the past of her clients to free them from their self-destructive behaviors of today. She utilizes the same formula in her new book to look at the very public and secret lives of Lawrence of Arabia and Charles Lindbergh among other case studies. Written in a chatty & readable style, she hammers home her point that secret lives are rooted in their childhood and are very destructive. M. Scott Peck makes the same point from a religious viewpoint in his 1983 book, "People of the Lie."