Adult Children of Divorce: How to Achieve Happier Relationships

by Edward Beall and Gloria Hochman

A book directed at the adult children of divorce, the millions of people who are still recovering from seeing their homes and lives torn apart. Based on years of research and more than 300 case... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0749910755
• ISBN13: 9780749910754
• Release Date: September 1991
• Publisher: Judy Piatkus Publishers Ltd
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 1.20 lbs.

Customer Reviews

Comprehensive source for answers to ongoing questions

This is the book I got for my now grown daughter who's gone through her own divorce and is addressing issues in marriage counseling. Assumptions made in childhood about gender roles and expectations definitely shape or deform adult dynamics. This is the kind of book that is hard to put down because it just keeps getting deeper. It explains relationship dynamics very clearly and moves quickly enough to keep you thinking. I am told it's still the definitive work for discussion groups.

Excellent!

This is one of those books I wish I could give to people. I have so much in common with the other reviews I'll just say - I agree... it does need to be printed again. I couldn't put this book down. I read it in two days and I will read it again. It gave me such insight into my barriers with other people and why I felt the way I do, and do the things I do (and I didn't recognize). We can pass our dysfunctional traits on - and I have. If your parents were divorced when you were between 4 and 14, or if you were moved away from your dad during that time to another state - You absoultely MUST read this book. If you can't buy it - some libraries still have copies. This book will definately get you started on having healthier relationships.

Needs to be Reprinted and Released Again!

I am not sure if you can still get this book new any more - I first read it back in 1991 and have kept it on my book shelf. I use it to help other people going through personal and family issues. As a part-time minister I find that this book has lots of good and wise advice. It is still great informaton even 15 years after it was written. This book has saved many relationships becasue it gives some deeper understanding to the root casues of actons, thinking and the attitudes that were created and established when their parents divorced. No longer can we hide the fact that divorce does not hurt the children - it always does damage - the question isn't if it hurts them - but how much and for how long! I recomend this book for all adult children of divorce - and I think couples getting ready to ax their relationships should take a harder look at their children's lives and what they are about to do to them.

Present and future relationships can become healthy

I read this book during a time of major upheaval in my relationship with my wife. Near divorce I read this book and realized how my parents' divorce adversely affected me. In ways that we today think are normal we sabotage our relationships and carry on the legacy of our parents' failed relationships. Unless we identify what happened to them by asking historical questions about our parents' life before, during, and after marriage, where they came from, what secrets lay in their family closets, we are going to repeat them. After all, it is what we recognize as "normal". Well, divorce is not normal. Fundamental problems that existed in our parents' relationship and our current relationship follow identical patterns. Recognizing them and understanding their effects on our current relationship skills (which were not modeled in a healthy manor) helps us define, change, and proceed with new and healthier attitudes about being married. Especially when children are involved, we should make every humanly possible effort to save the relationship. As spouses, we are both different and similar. We found each other for reasons we weren't cognizant of. We were looking to fill our unmet needs. In today's world where divorce is so accepted, fragmented and drastically unhealthy behaviors are being taught by parents who divorce. It is always easier to divorce than to heal a relationship. They take work, but they are worth it. This is not to say that those who are abused in any way should stay with an abuser. But as human beings we can change. I called Gloria Hochman and pleaded with her to reprint the book. She said they were thinking about it. And I am very, very grateful to her and Dr. Beal for helping me save my self and my marriage. I think that this should be required reading when an adult child of divorce is about to get married or if he or she is contemplating divorce. Don't let the mistakes of our parents ruin our relationships and perpetuate the cycle. Stop the cycle. Heal from the losses of divorce, absence of a parent, depression of the custodial parent, and unhealthy self nurturing children have to endure during and after the process. Co-dependency can develop and rear its head in unhealthy relationships we choose because it feels "safe", "normal", what we are "used" to. By the way, the changes I have made in my life have been so monumental and healthy, that my wife and I are pursuing a healthy, caring, supportive, accepting, honest, (many more superlatives) relationship now more than ever. And the lack of respect I once held towards my parents has healed and I have been able to carry on relationships with them that have been healthy, without emotional blackmail, emotional incest, or blaming. Dr. Andrew J. Boshardy

Reminded me the results of our actions may actual outlive us

I recommend this book for all those who have experienced the divorce of their parents or are comtemplating divorce from their current spouse. Our response to accepting the truth about ourselves and our families and taking corrective changes in our behaviour can impact our ability to overcome the emotional disappointment of divorce.