A Healing Divorce: Transforming the End of Your Relationship with Ritual and Ceremony

by Barbara Penningroth and Phil Penningroth

A Healing Divorce is unique. There is no other book devoted solely to rituals for divorce and ceremonies of parting. Written by a formerly married couple who have remained friends, this compassionate... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1587217937
• ISBN13: 9781587217937
• Release Date: January 2001
• Publisher: 1st Book Library
• Length: 404 Pages
• Weight: 1.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 6.0" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Finally a Helpful 'How-To' About a Painful Process

When I picked up Barbara and Phil Penningroth's book at a local bookstore it was with a mixture of curiosity and disbelief. How could a book about transforming divorce be anything more than new agey, pie in the sky wishful thinking? Then I read it. The story of how Barb and Phil consciously approached the end of their own 25 year marriage, along with the examples they cite of ending rituals from various cultures, inspired me to use a few of their ideas to honor the dissolution of my own ten year relationship. The effect was powerful and, yes, transformative. Thanks to the authors for this down to earth, clear, helpful guide to honoring our most intimate relationships even as they end.

A Noble Way, With Heart

If you ever suspected deep down that there was another way to get through a divorce, A Healing Divorce will make you rejoice that you were right all along. Thank God for people like Phil and Barbara, who think outside of the box and as they reach for their higher selves during their own heart crisis, are willing to take us along. We become partners in their endeavor to heal, not only our actual parting, but by extension the world around us. This book is a reminder of the goodness and the positive inherent in us all which, even in the deepest of heartaches, is waiting to be honored by being tapped. Success transforms us and touches those around us and the universe smiles. Go it alone, with your X, whatever, this book shows us a noble way through the pain which then births a new kind of love and gentleness within your heart.

Be Smart Enough To Read This Book

When I heard of a book dealing with rituals and ceremonies around divorce, I envisioned a feel-good, "we're all okay" kind of sedative. That's not what I found. Instead, Phil and Barbara Penningroth have assembled a comprehensive collection off rituals, services and other tools that real people can use to cope with the real pain of divorce.Not only do they present several models of divorce services; they also have included comprehensive checklists to help people plan their own rituals and ceremonies and bring them alive in a personal way. Sprinkled throughout are the stories of people who have sued used rituals as part of their healing after divorce, some after tender, cooperative divorces, and some after bitter, rancorous divorces. Each of the stories, however, seems real. Each in its way is instructive.I was delighted to see that, although the authors obviously have a sharply defined faith, they have lovingly gathered services, traditions, and perspectives from a wide variety of faith traditions. A great example of this is the chapter that explores the question "Is divorce a sin?" with contributions from Christian and Jewish clergy.What makes this book so powerful is its consistent practicality. This is not a contemplative, introspective tour through someone else's emotional healing. It's a logical, methodical "How-to." As one example, consider the section for people who have a divorcee service on what to consider doing on the one-year anniversary of that service (return to the place, set aside time for quiet meditation, recall favorite moments, celebrate progress, etc.)Many people will be smart enough to read this book. A few will be so smart they will actually follow the advice in it. They, their children, and all who care about them will be the stronger for it.

HEAL YOUR HEART AND THEIRS

Divorce is certainly one of the most painful periods of anyone's life. Once the shock, anger and sadness are behind us, this book offers a vareity of nurturing and spiritual rituals to "untie" us from our former spouse while honoring all that was good and right about the union. This is an important book for anyone going through a divroce and it is certain to help heal the hearts of both parties.

An Alternative to Bitterness

When Barbara and Phil Penningroth decided to divorce, they created a ritual to honor the ending of the relationship as it had been honored at the beginning. That in itself is an innovation. They went further, however, and created a book which can provide countless others with the tools to do the same. There are lots of books out there which purport to help people heal from divorce. Many of them go no further than to explain, "this is how we did it, and if we could so could you." That is good as far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough. What about the couples where one is still consumed with hostility and the other wants to end it with dignity? How do you create a healing ritual if your former partner refuses to participate? What about the different societal and religious traditions? And, on an even more basic level, what is ritual itself so powerful? What gives it such ability to heal? They clearly explain the power of symbol, and why the ritual needs to be witnessed by someone else (i.e., public) as the original vows were, and why the act of creating your own ritual is an essential component of the receiving the benefits of its healing power.All these questions are explored with sensitivity. The story of their own discovery of the power of ritual and ceremony is interwoven with case histories of others who have created rituals to symbolize the end of their relationships. The case histories are told in the first person, which gives them the ring of truth.They then give implicit instructions about how to construct your own ritual, with concrete examples and suggestions of ways in which you can personalize the process. I'm a fan of practical solutions which people can tailor to their own situations, and Phil and Barbara do an admirable job of providing lots of ideas and options which can be sued to create your own process. I particularly like the way they weave together their own experience, the case histories of others, the explanation of why ritual and symbolism are so powerful, and suggestions about how to go about creating your own.Having done all this, and done it well, Phil and Barbara went one step further. They researched the various religious traditions, and provided sample rituals consistent with each.In my nearly twenty-five years as a divorce lawyer, I've often been struck by the fact that, popular ideology notwithstanding, most people don't want to harbor bitterness indefinitely. They want to end the relationship which is no longer serving their needs in a way that preserves their dignity and heals the inevitable wounds. It is a sad commentary that our society not only provides no assistance to such people but, to the contrary, almost forces them to be adversarial, blaming and hostile. It is not surprising that the method of accomplishing the growth and healing most people seek is not found in our traditional institutions, but outside of them. "A Healing Divorce" goes far toward filling this void. Anyone who sincerely wishes to dev