A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage

by Judith Sills

Book Overview

Where is this thing called love? And how do you get there from here? For many it's an elusive goal that's over even before it has a chance to start -- but it doesn't have to be. In A FINE ROMANCE, nationally recognized psychologist Dr. Judith Sills shows how the whole agonizing and exhilarating process of love actually develops between two people -- and how the rules of successful courtship can be learned and mastered. Dr. Sills covers all the skills...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0345385713
• ISBN13: 9780345385710
• Release Date: April 1993
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Length: 306 Pages
• Weight: 0.90 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.6" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

A Book Written Just for You; It Answers the Nagging, "Why?"

This relationship book is the best out there! I haven't read lots of relationship books, but I don't have to in order to know that I'm right. Woman or man, this book helps explain why we chose the partners we chose, why we expect the wrong things, why we expect the right things at the wrong times, what we do to push people away, and how to change so that our relationships work. Dr. Sills' assessment of relationships and their phases are right on target, and her writing style is pure perfection--a mixture of get-on-to-yourself common sense and you're-not-alone reassurance. Her insights are uncanny. It's like she was in the living room, bedroom, car, bar, restaurant, etc. with you when either you or your partner said or did whatever you are now agonizing about. If you're a woman, Dr. Sills knows what you said when you stalked him after he didn't call. She knows why your cute voicemail message was a turn-off. If you're a man, Dr. Sills knows you snapped at her when she kept interrupting your football game to have a heart-to-heart talk. She knows why your girlfriends seem to become demanding and possessive just as you are losing interest in winning them. She not only pinpoints what you are feeling in each stage of a relationship, but also helps you understand what your partner is feeling. I read this book when I started dating my first boyfriend. The relationship lasted for nine months. Although, things did not work out for us, the book helped me through Selection and Pursuit, including a phase called "The Switch," where the pursuer backs off and the pursued panics. My ex married his next girlfriend and credits me with helping him to build important relationship skills. Trust me, it was this book. Again with the book under my arm, I started dating my second boyfriend. I married him almost six years ago. I had the opportunity to thus apply the deeper relationship chapters in the second half of the book, which are also right on target. A friend of mine is almost 50, has never been married, and wondered why all his relationships fail. After he started a new relationship, I lent him my copy of this book. He is now two years into the relationship and engaged. Don't start a new relationship without this book, particularly if you are a woman! When you get an urge to cry, overanalyze something he's said, or call him so you can feel closer, read the book instead of conveying a needy and demanding image that is not the real you. Once you are further along in your relationship and sure that you have one (Dr. Sills defines it), share the book and its tips with your partner, too. Regardless of your sex, age, or previous marital status, this book feels like it was written for you and about you. At each stage of your relationship, there will be hurdles. It answers the question, "Why?"--most helpful since your partner can't or won't answer this question for you. Better still, the book helps you change your own way of thinking so that the

Buy it!

This is just the best book I've read on relationships. Frustrated with being single, and just seem to muck it up every time? You need to get schooled. Dr. Sills has a straightforward way of writing that never gets bogged down, always to the point. My only problem is that the paperback is not put together well, the pages have already started falling out. Gotta look for the hardcover!

A Fine Romance is a Very Fine Book

"A Fine Romance" is a sympathetic, pragmatic, and very accurate description of the courtship process. Judith Sills knows her stuff--and must be a fabulous therapist--her sympathy, compassion, and basic honesty shine forth in these pages. Growing up, as I did, during the sexual revolution and the women's movement, left me without rules or guidelines to follow. This book reinterprets the world of dating and relationships in a way that is useful, sometimes very funny, always compassionate to all parties. Whether you are just starting out or have been dating for a while, this book is a winner. I read and re-read it as I learned how to date and be in a relationship successfully after my divorce. The book offers no magic formulae, just realistic, believable advice that you will find to be accurate and helpful. And I very much believe that I owe my own (finally!) "fine romance" to the advice I got from this book. Enjoy.

Critical Reading for Single Folks

If only I had read this book twenty years ago! Sills does a great job of laying out the territory in a plain and easily understandable manner; so much of the romance landscape makes sense with the perspective that her work provides. And like Excess Baggage (her other must read work), this book gives you the understanding you need to chart your own course; no preaching or judging, just a clearer understanding that can only lead to better choices.

Help for the "Dating Impaired" but "Relationship Master"

I hate dating but when it comes to long-term relationships, I'm a pro! So, if I wasn't in a committed long-term relationship, I was floundering in the dating pool until I mysterously found someone compatible to me. This book helped me make sense of what was going during the dating stages and explained why I was able to move so quickly past them. I also highly recommend this book to the divorced or widowed who haven't been in the dating scene in quite some time too.