What the dickens is wrong with sexy-man Ted Cruz? He's got it all... The stunning good looks, the six-pack abs, the women draped all over him, the perfect record as a hard-balling, take-no-guff U.S. Senator. So why won't he run for president? What's his deal? Why's he being such a Tedbenezer Scruz? At a party in his honor at Fizzywhigs-the exclusive Washington, D.C. club-Ted surprises one and all with a shocking announcement: He's retiring from politics!...